I wanted to write about this dream as soon as Julia left for school. I read Tracy's comment from yesterday first and then felt a chill. There is much more in this life than we understand.

First, the dream.

I was in an apartment with David and Cheshire. Not one we ever lived in. Julia may have been there too although she was not active in the dream. It was a small apartment -- there is actually a dream apartment that I sometimes dream about, this was not the one, but it bore some resemblances. (And now, I am remembering that I've had a lot of place dreams lately. I don't retain them in the morning, but hotel rooms, apartments, lofts, houses. I can remember many of them this minute. Place?).

In the dream, David was breaking up with me. He would not tell me why and Cheshire blamed me. I was pretty convinced that I was totally at fault, that I was a wicked and inadequate person. I had many of these dreams as a child and when I was very young I would ask my mother if I could come into bed with her. She was never in favor of that request.

Anyway, I was considering packing up but then I realized that everything in this small apartment was David's and I wondered what had happened to my stuff. It was a relative short dream and I woke up quickly with that awful unloved and uncared for feeling. When David was alive I would ask him to hold me and we would sleep like that for the rest of the night. When I woke up from this dream, I remembered that as somehow took great comfort from the idea. When the alarm went off, I woke up still with the feeling that David would have held me and made my heard feel whole again.

And so, Tracy, in a strange round about way, the dream did exactly as you wished. And this morning, I have a bit of peace.

I had to tell AH that we cannot work with them. The "not less than" estimates are too much for us. In the meantime, last week, we interviewed an architect that we liked and found a contractor that I think we will work with. Amazingly, the architect charges a lower design fee than our AH designer. Of course, she is running a very small business and we get the benefit that she has no overhead. She also seems to get my aesthetic. I am not saying that AH didn't, but she did very quickly, including recognizing that my back hall was inspired by Susanka. I am hoping that she can come up with a more pleasing design. These days we are thinking about staying within the footprint of the house -- we flop back and forth on this. Today, we seem to agree. The challenge is still how to fit the bathroom in and we'll see how our architect does on this one.

This is a journey all right.

First estimates

Last Thursday, Mike, money arm of AH, emailed their initial bids on our project. Oy is the most appropriate title for this entry. Strangely, the estimates did not include some of what we have clearly communicated, and the range of estimates started with a version that we have absolutely no interest in -- like linoleum floor in the kitchen and cheap countertops. I also don't know if they are including new windows and all the built ins we want. So . . . .

House renovation without touching the "garden room" will be not less than $85,000. If we can't incorporate the "garden room", I have no interest in this project!

House renovation, including "garden room" and the stoop out back will be not less than $125,000.

Addition and renovation will be not less than $168,000.

This does not include appliances which will be between $10-20,000, and no allowance for furniture (I was giving myself $10,000), and then I planned to keep a bit in reserve ($20,000) just in case. Way beyond the chunk of money that we contemplated spending.

Initial designs by Associated Housewrights

This is the house as it is.

Here, we have a bathroom, the kitchen is reduced but we have a penensula and the garden room is incorporated into the house.

Here we have an addition but it is not my favorite. I don't like the really big mud room.

This is my favorite . . . . but . . . . now we see what a preliminary budget will look like.

Our designer is Matt Speer. He sent us 13 pages of designs a few days ago. Today, we met and eliminated all but three. He then sent us updates which I'll try to post here.

I wrote this for the Kitchen forum at Gardenweb.com. I am hoping some comments and critique. There are a lot of BTDT folks there.

Our house was built in 1929 and we have lived in it for three years. We have found it charming and inviting but we need to make better use of the first floor. We want to take out walls, reconfigure rooms, and possibly put on an addition. The addition part depends completely on the cost.

Remodel goals:

• A great cooking kitchen that two very bossy people can work in at the same time
• new appliances, new cabinets, new countertop, new floor for the kitchen
• an island or pennsula for breakfast seating and home work doing
• a powder room (toilet and sink)
• some storage on the first floor (right now, there is no closet or storage space)
• a more flexible living room and dining room by taking out walls
• putting in a wall of bookcases/storage units
• incorporating the “3-season” porch into the dining room (As it is uninsulated and unheated it is hardly a one season room in wisconsin)

Our family:

At home right now, we are two adults and a nine year old daughter. We adults are both cooks. We love to cook, eat, entertain, and fool around in the kitchen. We have never had a wonderful kitchen and we so badly want one. I am sure our daughter will join us in the kitchen in a few years. Right now, we have a white board set up for her in the kitchen so she can draw while we cook.

The way the house it set up, we eat all of our meals in the dining room. We would continue to eat evening meals there, but would really like a counter and stools for weekday breakfast time.

Our daughter, Julia, is on the autism spectrum and she is in an intensive therapy program that brings therapists to our house 25 hours a week. We also love company and our house can have extra people dropping by at any time. This house has been kind of cramped for the dinner parties we like to throw and that is why flexibility is so important. If we can extend a table into the living room or the garden room, we can party!

Kitchen and Appliances:

We want a 36” range, preferably with two ovens, a dishwasher, a bottom freezer-french-door-refrigerator. We are looking at darker brown (A&C) cabinets with inset doors and lots of drawers on the bottom. I expect the appliances will be stainless with an “industrial” looking hood over the stove. I don’t want an appliance garage, but we have to have some place to put all the stuff we use.

We would give up the addition because of budget, and without the addition, we will have to give up increasing out counter space and storage (closet and other) space. Everything else is essential.

Someone's favorites

Frig: Whirlpool Gold, Whirlpool ,Samsung and Kenmore GE Profile,Frigidaire Pro and Kenmore Elite can by real nice if you can upgrade to upper mid class. Sears Outlet can be a real find here as well as your other appliances.

Dishwasher: Whirlpool Gold,Whirlpool and Kenmore. Range: GE, Frigidaire,Kenmore. (Not anything made by Whirlpool) GE Profile,Frigidaire Pro and Kenmore Elite can by real nice if you can upgrade to upper mid class. Sears Outlet can be a real find here as well as your other appliances.

Stove

NXR DRGB3001

30" Pro-Style Gas Range with 4 Sealed Burners, Heavy Duty Cast-Iron Grates, 4.2 cu. ft. Convection Oven, Manual Clean, 16,500 BTU Infrared Broiler, Extra Large Oven Window and Towel-Bar Handle$2299

Another dishwasher

Miele Inspira II Series G2142SC

Full Console Dishwasher with 6 Wash Programs, 5 Temperatures, 14 Place Setting, CleanAir Drying System, Double Waterproof System, PC Update Function, Touchtronic Controls, Cutlery Tray and Q1 Acoustics
About $1250

Dishwasher

The Kenmore Elite® 24" Double Drawer Dishwasher, Model 13343 was featured on Extreme Home Makeover and with it's great features, it deserves a closer look. It's the same size as a standard built-in dishwasher, but each drawer is independent so you can wash a small load of dishes or large load on different cycles - it's up to you. You can also wash a load of dishes without having to empty both drawers of clean dishes. The convenience of being able to do small loads can result in energy savings. The Kenmore Elite has the added benefit of being EnergyStar qualified.

Trikeenan tile

Oh, I may be in love. Probably much too expensive. I hate to even look, but I just love the way it looks -- soft, homey, but not boring. Okay, maybe an idea.

Refrigerator

Bottom Freezer

Freestanding

Full size

One Door

Kenmore 76252 (for stainless steel) - $1,600

Whirlpool?

Stove

Stove and stove top plus oven

36 inches??

gas w/ maybe convection oven

one, preferably 2 "power burners".

At least 14,000 btu's. More is better.

continuous grate

large oven - 4.5-5 cubic ft

good broiler

warming draw or second oven

Stainless

Kenmore Stainless Steel 30" Freestanding Gas Range 788 $1330

Cabinet

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/_tSGOcFKOoqI/SXeFy8dgAWI/AAAAAAAABLI/SqNIUv3jzaw/s400/Kvanum+Kitchens2.BMP

Interesting for a large top cab over the bottom cabinet


http://4.bp.blogspot.com/_tSGOcFKOoqI/SXe2bwYThkI/AAAAAAAABMY/UxaF4OYeyfA/s400/kitchen-design-03.jpeg

And here the cut out behind the stover with a different size but same style tilehttp://4.bp.blogspot.com/_tSGOcFKOoqI/SXeCggzgVvI/AAAAAAAABJo/FCjpdITcbvA/s400/20090104_0165.JPG

ceiling fan for livingroom

Our ceilings are not high enough to have something like this suspended, but I love the industrial/modern look

Lighting for an island or penensula

http://www.potterybarn.com/products/rustic-glass-pendant/

The kitchen as it is

Old Kitchen Cabinets

In the cellar are two cabinet pieces. One is a two door piece, the other a 3-door piece. I think they are the original kitchen cabinets. They are painted the ghastly yellow that some of the cellar walls are painted. There appears to be a coat of tan under that. There is no back on the cabinets.
The cabinet doors are inset which I really like. The drawers overlap a little bit.

Detail of the cabinet door.

The top cabinets are sitting on top of the lower cabinets.

And I am wondering if these can be part of our new kitchen.

Almost finished bathroom

It has been awhile since I written here and I so I thought I'd start where I left off. The bathroom has been almost done -- what it is now, since the middle of the summer. When I left in June to go out east before my mother died, the subway tile was on the wall and the floor tile was on the floor but I did not get a chance to do the grouting. David did most of the grouting and then I finished up with the shower shelves and the trim work. The picture above is closet wall. I would like to eventually seal this closet and open it in the master bedroom so was have adequate closet space there. In its place, I'd like to put a square cabinet in the corner for towels, some linens, and all other bathroom stuff.

I still have not found the right light to put above the sink. This is left over and painted from the old bathroom. I am hoping that when I look for kitchen stuff, I will find a vanity light. We put new hinges on the doors and medicine cabinet, but beside that, I did nothing but paint the medicine cabinet.

The sink is new and you can see the floor in this shot. I love it! And one of the architects that came through the house recently to talk about the first floor, commented how nice it was to have the original bathroom floor in such good condition. Made my heart proud!

Good shot of the new bathtub which is not as big as the old one, and not very good for a great soak. The subway tile went in very easily. My one regret is the grey grouting. If I had it to do over again, I would have used a lighter shade.